It’s 12:05 am and I don’t know what’s happening. I can’t sleep. I know that I just posted an article about the philosophy of my life moving forward and yet, after watching 3 intriguing episodes of Under the Dome, I found myself lying in bed, crying, questioning my life and having this awkwardly weird conversation with my husband with me having no friends. All this for no reason at all. I got out of bed and I just wanted to write about random thoughts.
Please be warned. This post is such a ‘downer’.
The first topic that I brought up was about feeling so detached from everyone. I remember feeling this way late last year. I felt as if I were looking at the world from inside a snow globe, with just me inside it. I don’t know why I feel this way about things. Sometimes, I suppose life just gets to you. And I know that there isn’t anything wrong with my life. For some, it may even seem to be perfect. And I know it is close to what people may say would be ‘perfection’. But why do I feel sad? Why do I feel so lost tonight?
I know that I’m strong, but now I wonder if I really am. We then talked about life’s purpose. I felt that I was meant to achieve great things, but now, why do I feel like I don’t know what lies ahead of me. I used to feel so sure about everything… so sure about myself, about my plans. Why am I doubting myself?
How do you feel, my husband asked.
I am actually not sure. I feel so many things at the same time right now. I’m also thinking of so many things. I feel sad. I feel distant. I am thinking though that tomorrow will be yet another day and I think I’ll just go through that day as if nothing happened. I feel lost. I feel loved, even if I feel lost. I am thinking that this is just little ol’ tired me talking (and writing). I am thinking that I want to sleep so I just wake up to a new day. I also think though that I won’t be able to unless I write it all down. So, here I am, in front of the computer at 12:28pm.
Thank goodness for blogs. Writing blog posts are really cathartic. I love that you can just pour your heart out and let feelings and emotions flow. Please don’t judge. Oh well, whatever. Even if you do, we can just choose to delete comments anyway. You just have to realize that there is an actual person writing this. We are not robots.
Oh my, I think I have gone insane. Sorry, peeps! I know this post is such a downer. I know that by now, I have probably lost your attention. I just felt like writing. I got out of bed and I just wanted to write everything that I was feeling.
This post is petty much like downloading. This is the part where we lazily watch the counter fill up section by section until the file is ready to be seen, to be read, to be watched.
I’m sure, tomorrow will be another day. I’ll be ready to be seen, to be read and to be watched again. But for now, just let me be.