Do you ever get to the point where everything is going great, but you still think that you’re lost. I felt this about myself a few weeks back. Maybe that wasn’t the right feeling. It was more like I felt detached from everyone. If I were to be asked to draw myself living in the world, I would have drawn myself in one edge of the paper and the whole world and the people living on it on another side of the paper. What I hated about it is that I don’t know why I felt this way. This is probably why I chose the the word FEEL as my ‘one word’ this year. It all makes sense now.
If you have met me or have spent time with me, you’ll notice that I’m easy to get along with and I laugh a lot (super babaw), but most times, too (when I’m not laughing), I think of a lot of things. I have a checklist, figuratively speaking (awww, I dedicate this word to my friend Chely and to James who were so devastated to know that this word’s meaning has changed), in my mind with a gazillion things written on it. I also have a lot of prototypes in my head, waiting to be implemented and executed.
The world that we live in is so fast and this has become the norm. We say that one thing constant in this world is change, and we have become so used to it that we think everything in our lives are indispensable and that we could just change it. People, family, values taught to us by our parents, relationships, words spoken, etc. — these can all just be set aside if we’re done with it or if we find these things useless. This makes me sad. Don’t get me wrong. I’m sad because I know that I, too, am guilty of this. I take a lot of things for granted, and maybe that is why I felt detached and lost.
I am so glad that I took this teacher’s training class under James Brown (American Yoga School), because it taught me a lot more than just asanas (poses) or teaching skills. The biggest thing that I learned is that we need to live in the now and savor every moment of it. The pain or the discomfort that you feel during your practice, embrace it for it teaches you to focus, to know yourself better. It taught me more things about myself. It taught me that inspite of my weaknesses, I know that I am very determined. It taught me that even with the tons of things that I need to do, I am but human and I need to simplify. It taught me that life is filled with a roller coaster of emotions and everyday presents a challenge of either staying positive or beating yourself up with negativity.
This experience has also taught me that we are all connected — our actions and decisions affect not only ourselves, but it also affects others. Yes, we should embrace our individuality, but we should learn how to respect each other and appreciate each one’s quirkiness and strengths and help them in their weaknesses.
Two more days and I will graduate from this Yoga 200 hour Teacher Training Course. I am not sure yet of what my plans are after this, but I know that I will graduate knowing that I have become a better person and a better yoga practitioner.
PS. This article is dedicated to my classmates who I love dearly. I will surely miss you! I think I’m gonna cry! 🙁 To Onelife Studio, thank your for the opportunity to learn. Thanks Tanya and team! 🙂 And to James Brown, thank you for all the knowledge and the friendship that you have extended. ‘Til we meet again!