I’ve been posting a lot on social media — just some daily updates after giving birth to this cute little baby.

I recently mentioned in one of my posts that I’m glad that I have documented a lot of stuff during my pregnancy with Zeeka and also created some post partum blog posts after. Weirdly, my blog has been my own personal resource during these times that I’ve given birth again. Some posts that I read again were the ones about breastfeeding.

I’ve been stressing about my output recently, but knowing that I went through the same things with Zeeka 8 years ago gives me comfort that I can actually do this again (because I’ve done it successfully before).

I don’t know if it’s because of my age that I feel that I’m having a hard time waking up most hours of the day. I feel so tired and so drained. To top it all, I’ve been experiencing post partum depression. I didn’t have this before, but with this pregnancy, I’ve been feeling a lot of emotions and I know these are the hormones acting up. I would suddenly cry and feel sorry for myself. Thoughts would occupy my mind — like how my body isn’t mine anymore. I would feel so sad and alone. I would just cry out of the blue.

It was hard. I thought I was going crazy (really).

It’s a good thing that I have EJ, Zeeka and our kasambahay, Ate Len to help out around the house. EJ has been really supportive when I have my bouts of sadness. He would hug me and just be there, and that makes me feel better. Just having someone by my side who’s just willing to listen helped me feel better. Zeeka was also so cute to hug me and say that she’s “filling my bucket”. She says that all of us have buckets that need filling up with love, kindness and generosity from other people. I was touched and her hugs were truly appreciated, like I was doing something right as a mom.

I mentioned what I was feeling to my doctor, Dra. Sarmiento, too. I’m the type who wants to know what’s going on with my body, so I knew that talking to my doctor was a good idea. It was nice that she reassured me that this is normal.

I also mentioned what I was going through to my friend, Frances. She mentioned that she had undergone the same thing with her pregnancies. One thing that she said that helped me a lot is when you feel the emotions coming, just acknowledge and know that they are hormones acting up. Be aware of this. This advice really helped me a lot. Whenever I would cry and go through these things that I’m feeling, I would remember what she told me, and would say to myself that these are just my hormones doing this to me.

I’m feeling better now and don’t go through these episodes as much anymore.

To mommies who are experiencing post partum depression, know that it will pass. These negative emotions and feelings that you are having now will pass. It took me close to a month to get back to feeling like my usual self again.

But now, one of my biggest struggles still is breastfeeding. I’m so happy that now, I produce around 2-3 ounces of breastmilk for Baby Yani every time I pump. I get to use my electric pump now since she’s been sleeping longer. I’ve noticed that when I was stressed about my supply (especially during the second and third weeks after Yani was born), it would affect my milk supply.

I’ve learned new things and used new tools during this pregnancy related to breastfeeding.

One is that each baby is different, so you have to learn together. When comparing Zeeka to Yani in terms of breastfeeding, they’re different. Yani knew how to latch and suck well right on the first day. In terms of schedule though, she had a more unpredictable schedule as compared to Zeeka. She eats a lot, too.

Two, there is this new tool that I use. It’s a Milk Saver Pump. Check out this video that I made to see how it looks like: https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSe67A3VL/ Basically you attach it to your other nipple while feeding and it collects your milk let down. I will write or take a dedicated video of this soon and share it. I was surprised to see that I had a lot of collected milk!

And lastly (at least for this blog post), always try to relax. Being confined inside our homes for a long time can affect our mood negatively. And if you feel bad, this will affect your milk supply. Try to relax and chill. Watch funny shows, listen to your favorite playlist, etc.

So there, those are my thoughts for today. Let me know if there are things that you want to know about my breastfeeding journey. I’ll write about more experiences soon! Feel free to share stories also with me in the comment section. Love you all!