I’m in this cafe that is really comforting for some reason. The voices of other people seem to drown out voices in my head. There are a lot of days and today was one of the shittiest days I have ever had (I apologize for using that term, but I don’t know how else I could describe it). The shittiest days start out really great and perfect that it makes a bad thing seem so huge and unbearable — and shitty.
People think that it’s easy to destroy someone’s life through social media. It is, actually. It is easy to do especially when the person’s a faker. With this, I will give you the truth and the whole truth about me. That way, you, my readers know me and I have nothing to hide.
The truth is i’m not perfect and I have a lot of flaws. Yup, I’m human (surprise, surprise!).
My number one flaw is that I dream big and strive so much. I work so hard to achieve goals that I think would be good for my family, but I stress myself and I allot a lot of time working and less time taking care of myself and my family. In the process, I doubt myself and think if I really made the right choice and decision. Yes, that’s a flaw and it makes me feel like a crazy person. It makes me feel incompetent, sad and lonely. It makes me feel that I’m probably not living the life that was meant for me.
We all glorify people who chase their dreams — those who turn things into unimaginable realities and those who are doing what they love. But when you become a wife and more so, a mom, it’s doubly hard to do so. You have to consider a lot of things and make decisions based on how it will affect your spouse, your child and your family. Will it affect them in anyway? Will they be happy when you decide a certain way? Will they be disappointed? Will you just choose a path that will be better for them and let go of your dreams? Will you continue to chase dreams and seem like the shitty mommy and wife that you will obviously be to a lot of people? Will you just lie and say that you’re happy with your life and just go with the flow and continue to feel empty inside? Will the decision that you make truly make you happy? Is this what you really want out of life?
You have to make tough choices and tough decisions. People think that being a woman in business is easy, that we have got it all covered. We just flash our charming smiles, and everyone bows down to your wishes. But it is not like that at all.
You fall in love. You marry. You have a child. You try to make ends meet and help out by chasing those dreams that you know will make everyone happy, and yet, you are condemned for it by everyone.
You are condemned for not having enough time for your child. You are condemned for making decisions that you made with a different intention, which are perceived differently. You are condemned for wishing and dreaming of a life that you want to have, because again, people think that you are not content with what you have now.
I honestly am contemplating if I should publish this, but I just wanted to share my thoughts tonight. I just wanted to share with you that being a woman is hard. Being an adult is hard. ‘Being’ is hard but that’s life.
